Saturday, October 09, 2010

Making friends is hard to do*

*Sung to the tune of "Breaking Up is Hard to Do" because I like making up songs and then getting them stuck in your heads.

I remember a time not that long ago, college to be exact, when it was so easy to make friends in a new town. You ask the person sitting next to you in class, "Do you want to get together and study for this test?" And you're friends. You ask the person tanning next to you at the pool, "Want to go to a party tonight?" And you're friends. You say, "Go Gators!" to the person cheering next to you at the football game. And you're friends.

But now, you're older. You're not in school, your colleagues live hundreds of miles away and knew your IM handle before they knew your last name, and the people you meet at organized functions are busy with their families and don't have time to keep up with the friends they already have.

You put yourself out there, going to anything you can (even when you don't want to) where you might meet someone with a common interest, putting a big smile on your face, no matter how uncomfortable you feel. Eventually you meet her. A potential girlfriend. You exchange phone numbers and go home happy that you might be able to see a movie one day with someone other than your husband.

As the days pass, you look at her phone number. You want to call, but you don't. How many days do I have to wait so that I don't seem overly excited or needy? If I wait too long to call, will she lose interest? Should I wait for her to make the first move? You laugh at yourself. It's not like it's a boy you're trying to date. But when you do finally connect and decide to get together, you realize just how much like a blind date it really is. What if we have nothing in common? What if we run out of things to talk about before our lunch even arrives? What if there's no chemistry? Lunch goes well. It goes so well, in fact, that you don't realize four hours have passed since you arrived. The girl has made it through your audition, but did you earn a callback? And so the questioning begins again, and you wonder who this insecure person is and where her confident lookalike went. More than anything, you hope that this girl turns out to be good friend material because you don't know how many more times you can willingly put yourself through this.

Now is when you tell me that I'm not neurotic, or if I am, that I'm not alone (lie if you must).

On a completely unrelated note...
This blog has been going through a bit of an identity crisis in the past year, so I have decided to part ways with Crafty Cher and give her a new home, reserving this blog for posts about life and writing. If you're interested in my "artsy" side, you can hit me up at Second Glantz Crafts.

8 comments:

April said...

Totally get this . . . you are NOT alone. Lost touch with real friends after having my daughter in college and haven't found but ONE person in 10 years here in my neighborhood that I TRUST and can have a good time with . . .

Cheri said...

You are definitely NOT alone! And (not to worry you needlessly) but it honestly feels to me like the older you get, the harder it is. Everyone is too busy to make real connections these days. I've been living in the same neighborhood for 23 years... and yet I don't have a single friend here to just "hang" with. And my attempts to create that (admittedly somewhat half-hearted on my part) have come up short. I'd love to have a girlfriend close by to go to the movies with!

cate said...

you are not alone! since having my last baby, I have lost touch with the one friend I did have - although facebook is not a good substitute, at the moment it's all I've got!

Kelly said...

You aren't alone. I moved back to my hometown, but I've since tried making new friends that I have more in common with and it's HARD.

Also - do you read this blog: http://mwfseekingbff.com? So appropo!

Colleen said...

We've been back in Jax for 4.5 years now and it was only a year ago that I finally feel like I've found a good girlfriend who I can hang with, who gets me and sort of shares my brain. I think it's so hard to meet people as you get older.

You're amazing Cheryl. If we were in the same town, I'd be calling you all the time. You're my soul sister. And I love you to pieces. Hang in there. It will get better. I promise.

Brittany said...

I completely and utterly understand this. I guess I've become so friendless that my husband has taken notice & suggested I "make friends". Like they're something you stick in the oven and thirty minutes later you've got friends lol. I want to have that "girlfriend",but don't want the feeling of throwing myself out there i .e. "dating". I mean when we're looking for platonic relationships we shouldn't have to feel like that right?
Maybe this is some sort of epidemic : (.
Thanks for the words of encouragement btw :). Crossing my fingers I remain in good health.

Erin said...

A friend of mine and I had this discussion about a month ago. Finding new girl-friends as an adult is EXACTLY like dating. You have to find out if you have anything in common, if you have chemisty enough to carry on a conversation, if you make each other laugh, if you enjoy each others company, AND it has to be mutual. When did this happen?

On a side note - we will be in your town for Thanksgiving. Will you be around??

Sarabeth said...

holy smokes i so hear ya girlfriend-i have so many times been there done that and it's always turned out for the worse lol-not to be discouraging at all but it's the reason why i only have a few close girlfriends and they have been there forever- and of course the few awesome bloggie friends i have :)
did you do it? how did it go? they would be crazy not to love hanging out with ya!

xoxo